What we think, we become ~ BuddhaJoin Community
My Review of the Book - How to Win Friends and Influence People
Before I read the book, I was very sceptical because of the words "influence people" which lead you to believe there's some sort of manipulation going on. I didn't like the idea of (probably) forcing people do things I wanted but still I decided to give the book a try. What I later found out is that the only way to influence people is by making them want to do the things you'd like them to do which is adequately described by the author, Dale Carnegie.
There are 30 rules you need to be aware of:
1. Don't criticise, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
To make people like you
4. Become genuinely interested in other people
5. Smile :-)
6. Remember people's name
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
9. Make the other person feel important and do it nicely
Win people to your way of thinking
10. Avoid arguments
11. Show respect for others' opinions. Never say "You're wrong"
12. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
13. Begin in a friendly way
14. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately
15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
17. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
18. Be sympathetic with the other persons' ideas & desires
19. Appeal to the nobler motives
20. Dramatise your ideas
21. Throw down a challenge
A leader's job often includes changing people's attitude and behaviour
22. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
23. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
24. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
25. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
26. Let the other person save face
27. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise.
28. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
29. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
30. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
As you can see from the rules above, there are no pushy tactics involved. Some of the rules are common sense but how often do we implement them in our daily life? I must admit I have tried a few things myself and they work great. Just the other day, I was in the lift with another person and all I had to do was smile and the other person started talking to me (normally we would just wait in silence till we reach our floors).
The author puts a lot of emphasis on being honest when dealing with people. You shouldn't flatter people but instead give them sincere appreciation and there's a world of difference between the two. Flattery will get you nowhere!
The book has been written in the 1900s and examples are given with reference to people in that era or much before that eg Abraham Lincolm. This can be quite boring and you'll need to understand the point the author is trying to make instead of focusing on the name of the people being talked about. For me, to this day, the examples are valid.
If you've ever read this book, what do you think about it? And if you haven't, how do you find the rules above?